Thief Steals Urinal

Just when you thought all the innovative thiefs were moving into the high-tech worlds of identity and digital theft, somebody comes along to remind you that there’s still some old-skool crooks out there.

The BBC is reporting that a man has stolen a urinal from a pub in Southampton. Apparently he went into the pub at about 5pm and ordered a half-pint of Fosters. He then went into the toilet several times, each time removing part of the white urinal bowl from the wall. It seems the guy did a highly professional job, turning off the stopcock and capping the pipe, and wiping his fingerprints from the door as he left (one wonders if he also wiped his fingerprints from his half-pint glass).

He left the pub with a bulging rucksack, and was caught on CCTV.

I like to imagine the conversation that may have happened between this man and a friend the night before:

Thief: “I have a nice house, but I’m worried it’s missing something. The pièce de la resistance, so to speak.”

Friend: “You mean like a banqueting hall, or a built-in cinema?”

Thief: “Actually I was thinking smaller-scale. Maybe a urinal in my bathroom.”

Friend: “Why would you want a urinal in your bathroom?”

Thief: “For one thing, I wouldn’t need to lift the seat back up after my girlfriend has used the bathroom. Also, I wouldn’t need to remember to flush.”

Friend: “Okay, so where do you buy urinals from?”

Thief: “Well, there weren’t any on the Ikea website, but I did spot a nice one at the Royal Oak…”